Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Alzheimers, Death, and Pain..."oh my!"

I'm gonna just jump right in without any transition from my last post three years ago.

My dad died this April, which, if you are reading this, you probably know me, so you probably already know. My mom has pretty advanced Alzheimer's disease (at 69 years old) which you know as well but this is just my tiny update.  She moved in with us for two months after the funeral because my dad had not made plans for her in his sick state. He had non-alcoholic liver cirrhosis so basically from the time he was diagnosed with it his mind was somewhat compromised from being toxic. We tried to "save him" through getting him on liver transplant lists and encouraging him to take his meds and eat right but it was so hard from afar. In the end none of our efforts ended up saving him. He progressed too fast for the doctor's to get him a transplant and the rest of his organs started to shut down from the strain of the liver disesase. And mom got worse mentally as she suffered through watching her "person" die. We were with her pretty constantly for the last month of his life but some really crazy stuff happened during that time that made us realize how compromised she was.

For instance on the first night that dad actually was hospitalized my two sisters brought her back to my youngest sister's house to sleep there and she snuck out in the middle of the night and got lost for five hours. The police were looking for her everywhere and when I got on my flight to get to Kansas at 5 am I had to sit there on the plane with no cell service for several hours not knowing if my mom would be found alive or not. When I touched down and got cell service again my sister answered the phone and said "They found her Suze." I cried all the way from the airport to her house during my Uber ride. And from the moment I got to her through my dad's death she and I were pretty glued together. So, since we didn't have a plan in place for her yet I brought her back to my house after the funeral.

Those months were crazy. Mom grieved. Over and over again most days because it was always new. Then she got angry and wanted to go home. Sometimes I was her sister. She would yell "listen I'm the oldest sister and you can't keep me captive here!! Give me my car keys so I can go home!" Most of the time I talked her down with gentle words and as many distractions as possible. Sometimes, when it had gone on for hours and she was angry all day and really pushing me and pushing me I would snap. A couple times I even swore at her. I would come out of her room crying and exhausted and my kids' eyes would be really big and round and I'd realize they had heard the whole thing. It was a lot for everyone to deal with.

After a month of searching we finally found some good Christian ladies who were willing to move in with mom and take care of her back in her home in Wichita so that she could go "back home" which is all she wanted every day. I drove her the 12 hours back. She was so happy to be going home. I felt like we had done such a good job meeting her needs and getting her into a great situation.

Two months later she doesn't recognize her home as her home. She tries to make the caregivers leave and she is one conspiracy theory after another. She wants to get in her car and go "home" but she can't describe what home she is referring to. She thinks we left her at a conference center. She wakes up her night-time lady and tells her she can't afford to have any "boarders" so she should find another place to live. It's constant. I talk to her probably 6 times a day and try to get her through whatever the confusion of the moment is.

One of the ladies who is helping us with her is feeling (understandably) overwhelmed. Now we have to decide between moving her back in with us or moving her into a group home. It's an overwhelming decision. Between trying to care for four kids, stay married, and work on my teacher training certificate, I'm not sure I will have the time (or sanity) to take as good of constant, moment-by-moment care of mom as I'd like to do. My younger sister has found a really lovely small group home where only 5 or 6 adults live together in a regular residential home while being cared for by licensed caregivers. It sounds nice but mom will definitely freak out at the beginning at least, and I'm not sure I can pull the trigger on moving her into it.

And I have some kind of crazy sicatica pain right now. And I haven't really grieved dad much because I've been so busy thinking about mom every second. Sometimes in the car I suddenly start sobbing and I think it's my grief over my dad. Or my stress over my mom. Or my grief over my marriage which is struggling through this time, (and not because Matt isn't supportive because he IS, but just because how can it NOT suffer right now?).

I need to probably talk to someone. Or get on something. Or both. Spiritually I'm a wreck but I'm trying to work on not being angry at God for "doing this to our family." I know He's sovereign and working things out for His glory, but for some reason that is not comforting me right now. I talk to God. But not enough. Mainly I wait thirstily until 5 o'clock when I feel justified in pouring the first of many glasses of wine that will get me through the night.

I used to write funny stuff sometimes. Not because I'm hilarious but because life used to seem pretty funny, hilarious...even absurd.  Absurd is still there but funny is lacking right now. Blech. Here's hoping for a little funny to come back into life. I could stand to write a little more like Erma Bombeck and a little less like Job. But Erma didn't get to hear God's voice explaining His greatness to her like Job did so maybe that's what all this is about. Maybe I will finally really find God in a meaningful way. That or end up in the Betty Ford Clinic. Here's hoping it goes the right way.


Girl Online said...

Hey, I know I don't know you but I just came across your blog and think you are so inspiring. My Grandpa died from just old age but also Alzheimer in 2012 when i was just 10. I hope and trust that you are surrounded by good people that can help you get through it. xxx

Anukriti Verma said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Smug&Pug said...

I hope you stay strong and keep going. This too shall pass. Take care. Love and prayers. *hugs* Keep writing. It helps.

hitaakademi said...

Ankara merkezli tercüme ve konsolosluk hizmetleri
sunan KARİZMA TERCÜME Türkiye'de hizmet ve faaliyetlerini sürdürmektedir.

Unknown said...

you looking for gift for girl just give her your trust, that is all.

Loan Offer said...

We are muslim Organization formed to help people in needs of helps,such as financial help. So if you are going through financial difficulty or you are in any financial mess,and you need funds to start up your own business,or you need loan to settle your debt or pay off your bills,start a nice business, or you are finding it hard to obtain capital loan from local banks,contact us today via email ( So do not let these opportunity pass you by because Allah is the same yesterday, today and forever more. Please these is for serious minded and Allah fearing People.

Your full name:
Loan Amount:
Monthly income:

Awaiting your swift response.
May Allah bless you.
power Financial Service Pvt.
Contact Us At

Phu Dang said...

Nice blog !!!
thanks for sharing
nhà phố hiện đại hcm
mẫu nhà phố cổ điển hcm
nhà phố cổ điển hcm
mẫu nhà phố đẹp hcm
mẫu thiết kế nhà phố hcm
thi công nhà phố hcm

ชื่อที่แสดง said...

I hope you stay strong and keep going. This too shall pass. Take care. Love and prayers.


AG SEO said...

The great Hindu Festival Diwali 2017 is going to held on 19th October.
Be ready to celebrate festival of light.

خدمات منزلية موميزه said...

شركة تنظيف منازل بالدمام هى واحدة من ضمن شركات قمة الدقة والتى هى اسم وصفة فهى افضل من يطلق عليه هذا الاسم وهذا بفضل قدراتها الكبيرة فى القيام اعمال التنظيف العام للبيوت والمنازل والشقق حيث انها تقدم خدماتها التى تشغل بال العديد من العملاء والذين يبحثون عن شركات تنظيف بيوت بالدمام ويرغون فى التعاون مع ارخص شركة تنظيف شقق بالدمام فاليكم اكبر شركة فى عالم التنظيف المنزلى والبيتى وهى شركة تطهير منازل بالدمام قمة الدقة

كم من الوقت تحتاج اليه ربة المنزل لتنظيف بيتها ؟

لا توجد مقاييس خاصة لوقت التنظيف المتقن فهناك ربات بيوت تسطيعن ان تنجز مهمة تظهير المنزل ومسح الارضيات وازاله الغبار فى وقت سريع واخريات يقضين اليوم باكملة ولا يستطعن الانتهاء من غرفة واحدة

ولكن الامر الذى لا يمكن انكارة ان مهمة تنظيف البيوت حقا مهمة شاقة ومرهقة جدا وتحتاج الى وقت متسع ومجهود كبير من السيدة واما اذا كانت ربة المنزل امرأة عاملة فان القيام باعمال تنظيف السجاد وغسيل الجدران ومسح الارضيات امر ممل ومرهق

ولهذا تم تقديم خدمات الاعتناء بنظافة المنازل وترتيبها باسعار خيالية فنحن ارخص شركة تنظيف منازل بالدمام قمة الدقة كما ان شركة نظافة منازل بالدمام توفر كافة العمالة النسائية والتى تحتاج اليهن ربات المنازل كثيرا

كما ان العماله الاسبوعية والعمالة الشهرية والتى تقوم على اعمال التنظيف والغسيل والاعتناء بالمكان خدمة توفرها شركة تنظيف بالدمام قمة الدقة والتى تكون بمقابل مادى مميز جدا وباسعار مناسبة

واهم ما يميز شركة تنظيف شقق بالدمام انها تدرب عمالها على الدقة فى العمل والاتقان فى تنظيف كل شبر فى المكان مع الانتهاء من كامل دورهم بسرعة قياسية وهذة المعادلة صعب تحقيقها ولكن مع شركة نظافة بيوت وشقق بالدمام تتحقق فان كل عملائنا شهدوا لنا بالتميز فى انجاز العمل والدقة والعناية بكل محتويات المنزل دون تفريط او تقصير

نصائح لنظافة منزلية متميزة

بفضل الخبرة الطويلة التى تمتلكها شركة تنظيف وتطهير منازل بالدمام وحرصها الشديد على ان تسعد عملائها فانها تتقدم لهم ببعض النصائح التى تساعدهم فى الحصول على نظافة لاجزاء منزلهم بصورة سريعة وبنتائج رائعه

للاعتناء بنظافة السجاد :. احرصى سيدتى ان تزيلى البقع بمجرد وقوعها وهذا بمسحها بالماء والصابون واذا كانت البقع شركة تنظيف منازل بالدمام
صعبة فاستعينى بالبيكنج صودا والخل المركز فان تفاعلهم يؤثر كثيرا فى قوة البقع ويساعد فى ازالتها بسرعة او استخدمى الكولا لازالة البقع فانها فعالة فى التخلص من انواع كثيرة من الاوساخ والتبقعات

للاعتناء بنظافة الثلاجة :. احرصى على مسحها من الداخل بالماء والصابون السائل والخل وقليل من عصير الليمون لاضفاء رائحة مميزة لها

للاعتناء بنظافة النجف :. امسحى الكريستالات بقماش قطنة ناعم اما الاجزاء النحاس قومى بدعكها بالليمون لارجاء بريقها الاصفر البراق

اتصلوا الان على رقم شركة تنظيف منازل وبيوت بالدمام قمة الدقة

ajaz games said...

Nice blog and use full information for me thanks for sharing it. Good Job
escape games
online escape games
new escape games
point and click games

Quick-Technology said...

The information given by you is really very helpful.
Thanks for publishing this great stuff.
Team: Free Malware Removal Tool

10 Seos said...

A complete knowledgeable post. Keep it up! Worth sharing. Great going 10seos

Yansh said...

NSWhatsApp download

abo-bder said...

شركة تنظيف بالخرج
شركة تنظيف منازل بالخرج
شركة تنظيف فلل بالخرج
شركة تنظيف مجالس بالخرج
شركة تنظيف واجهات بالخرج
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالخرج
شركة رش مبيدات بالخرج
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالخرج
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالخرج